| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|12:52 am] |
Life is not less confusing than the last time I updated. Ive been making changes in my life though, Lots of them.... and its awesome!!
New phone...
New phone survey.
Im addicted to this thing.
1 - What make of phone do you have?
iPhone. :)
2 - What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
573. Still.
3 - What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
I dont have a normal inbox. so... I dunno.
4 - Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Mama
5 - Who's the last person you rang?
Not sure.... I think it was my dad. I dont call people often. I text.
6 - Who was your last missed call from?
I havent missed any since i got this phone, But I did miss Joels call on my old phone.
7 - Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Dave
8 - What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
.... Dunno. The first message I sent to hannahbanana
9 - Who's the 3rd person who comes up under P?
Percy
10 - Go to your Sent Items - WHAT DOES THE 3RD ITEM SAY ?
:(
these questions suck with an iphone.
11 - Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Stephanie, i believe.
12 - Who's your network provider?
At&t.
13 - How many messages are currently in your inbox?
:(
14 - What do you have as your background?
a picture from where the wild things are
15-2ND PERSON UNDER R...
Robin
16 - Who do you have on speed dial 3?
I think Hannah is #3 on my favorites...
17 - If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
Do not.
18 - Who's the first person who comes up under C?
Candy cane :)
19 - How many bars of signal do you currently have?
.... 2. Eff this house and its bad signal.
20 - What do you have as your main ringtone?
Whichever one is already programmed on the iphone as the ringtone.. I think its like... Mari... somethin. |
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| Livejournal. blahahahahhh |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|09:39 am] |
So. I havent posted in forever... lets see.
Jake is happily married with a baby, Old guy decided to chase after his old girlfriend (that didnt work out for him at all.. HA!), and the 2 guys that were in love with me got mad becasue i just wanted to be friends and NEITHER of them talk to me anymore.
Doesnt really mean i have anything figured out. Just different guys added to the mix. But thats okay becasue I dont want a relationship. :)
well i got a new phone so.... Im doing that phone survey again.
1 - What make of phone do you have?
Nokia.... something.
2 - What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
ummm... 573. I had to look it up. lol.
3 - What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
Also, if you wanna go to an ugly christmas sweater party, you're invited!
4 - Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
well when i put m in to search, Bartender Megan comes up first, but in the REAL m's, its mama.
5 - Who's the last person you rang?
voicemail. Then amanda.
6 - Who was your last missed call from?
My PHONE says i havent missed any calls, but thats because it didnt receive Jeffreys phone call.
7 - Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Danaxcore!
8 - What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
Done Beotch.
9 - Who's the 3rd person who comes up under P?
theres only one P and it is PAY MY BILL!
10 - Go to your Sent Items - WHAT DOES THE 3RD ITEM SAY ?
Yeah. I figured out my voicemail.
11 - Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Probably some Shawn or Shaun or Sean. I know too many seans. I think ALL my s's are shawn/shaun/sean's.
12 - Who's your network provider?
At&t.
13 - How many messages are currently in your inbox?
77.
14 - What do you have as your background?
A one up.
15-2ND PERSON UNDER R...
Rocco.
16 - Who do you have on speed dial 3?
Nobody.
17 - If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
Do not.
18 - Who's the first person who comes up under C?
When I search, Bear claw. actual c- Candice.
19 - How many bars of signal do you currently have?
two.
20 - What do you have as your main ringtone?
Fall Out Boy- I Don't Care |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2008|11:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
That last post was forever ago... oh snap.
Jake is married.
Dont talk to me about how much it sucks, because im pretty much over it, and if you do, then i will be like Hey youre right it does kinda suck, and ill just go back into the same cycle that im trying like HELL to break out of.
I dont really have much news, but thats okay, becuase i dont really have a livejournal audience to make happy.
Just thought id clear the air to all you non-existant people on the edge of your seat. Yes, Jake is married. And no, Its not to me.
Such is life.
It goes on.
and on
and on
and on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2008|03:24 pm] |
I think, im not 100% sure on this because i havent talked to him yet....
I think Jake is married. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2008|02:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
How long it has been since I have used you! at all. But eff it. I need a place to vent. Maybe get some advice. Who knows, Ill write in it anyway.
I have a dillemma.
And here it goes.
I cant figure out what im doing right. I know, Who has that problem... EVER!!?!?
I had this boyfriend... scratch that... fiance, for 4 years. 4 years is a lot of time to invest in someone. I miss him. A lot. A very big lot. Hes one of the only people that GETS me. Even my best friend doesnt get me like he gets me. But thats a totally different story....
So, I moved away to be with him. We tried moving back together. He hated it. We had a lot of hard times in the last year... or so... of our relationship. He hated it and moved back. And I was frustrated and angry and.... A lot of things I guess, I dont want to get into why it happened exactly, but we broke up. And I couldnt handle it. I dont think I could handle it right now if we were together, but FUCK MAN, i miss the shitbrick. (Am I confusing you yet? Because im confusing myself.) Anyway, We broke up and... He was devastated. But I just couldnt do it. I just couldnt. He was far away, and I couldnt leave my family, and I couldnt handle the things he was saying... SO i broke up with him. And then, my dumbass tries to convince him I do not love him anymore.... because he was so upset, and It would be easier on him... blah blah blah. And it was easier on him. Up until the point that I told him I was lying and I really did still love him... but im getting ahead of myself. So I convince him that I do not love him, because I wanted both of our lives to be easier. And I meet this guy. This sweet... older... guy. and I like him a lot. I love him in fact, but in a different way than I loved my ex, if that makes any sense. And I go to visit him... and I love him even more. And before I went, I decided to tell my ex that I am still in love with him, because he cornered me into it, he knows me, he knew, he called my shit out.
UGH.
So, heres where we have a BIG problem, My ex has a girlfriend now, and his girlfriend is....
are you sitting down for this? because you should be.
PREGNANT.
Goood. Great. Grand. Wonderful....
So, at this point, I am just torn... and confused... and ugh. With a side of ugh...
But it gets better.
So this older man, he is so wishy washy that sometimes he just drives me completly insane. His kids refer to me as his girlfriend. He refers to me as his girlfriend... SOMETIMES. His brother and his brothers girlfriend both refer to me as his girlfriend. I dont know if it goes much past that. I hope it does, and im not really going to push the issue, because we havent been together (IF WE EVEN ARE!) for very long. AND... god. my life sucks. because theres an and. He has this ex, that he went to highschool with... They were highschool sweethearts. or something like that. And they broke up after highschool, because he went into the army. And he didnt talk to her for 14 years. Recently, they started talking again, and shes decided that she loves him. And hes decided that he still has feelings for her. And she wants to visit him. and shes married. and Im just confused about all of this. He told me all about it, which is a very good thing, because it shows that he does not want to lie to me about it... But he is fucking FOOLING himself if he thinks that it doesnt bug the living shit out of me. I just dont know what to do about it. Im scared of getting to invested and then getting hurt by it, but im scared that if i pull back im going to lose him.
But theres more!
I have TWO... not one, but count em TWO, guy friends who are now coming to me and telling me they love me. That they have FALLEN in love with me. So now I'm just SUPER confused. Thats FOUR guys. FOUR! who tell me they love me. Two of them every day.
So yes. I need to find out what Im doing right, and cut it the fuck out, because if another guy falls in love with me, I might just go batshit. Not that Im not ALREADY THERE ANYWAY.
w
t
f
d
o
i
d
o
? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|10:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
I miss my boyfriend.
I miss my talkin buddy.
I miss my old store. |
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| Ive learned to retreat at the first sign of danger, I mean why stay around if its only to surrender? |
[Feb. 2nd, 2007|12:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bright Eyes- Lets Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and Be Loved) | ] |
I don't even know what kind of a mood I am in tonight. I just picked frustrated because, well, thats part of it, and that little angry fox is awesome. He is MAD. Poor little dude... =(
I am having a hard time with everything... I wasn't a few days ago, But I am tonight for some reason. I just don't really know what to do, I guess. You have way too many choices in life for it to ever be easy... and the choices you need to have, you never seem to have for one stupid reason or another. Ever since I got back here I have felt sort of numb. Oh, Indiana.
Jake left on Sunday, and was supposed to come back on Tuesday. And now I think he is staying another week. I'm torn between being really sad that I have to sleep alone, and relieved to have time apart. And I really feel bad for being relieved, but I think that its something I needed, to just think about things... What I want, what I NEED... and all that good stuff.
Relationships never cease to be hard it seems.
I think I'm done writing.
OH, and I HATE when people just sign off. HATE IT. damn them... OR when I get a text message and then they don't answer me... UGH.
How grateful I was then, to be part of the mystery.
To Love and To Be Loved.... Let's just hope that is enough......
-Bright Eyes |
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| Yeah i havent posted in forever. New phone, New survey. |
[Feb. 1st, 2007|03:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
1 - What make of phone do you have?
Samsung Trace
2 - What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
079
3 - What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
I always delete them. I think it sayd I miss you.
4 - Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Mary
5 - Who's the last person you rang?
Jakob
6 - Who was your last missed call from?
Jakob- Crazy how that works. You miss a call and return it!
7 - Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Dad House
8 - What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
DAMN YOU.
9 - Who's the 3rd person who comes up under P?
theres only 2 p's. Patrick and Paul
10 - Go to your Sent Items - WHAT DOES THE 3RD ITEM SAY ?
How Many?
11 - Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Shawn Dildine
12 - Who's your network provider?
t-mizzoble
13 - How many messages are currently in your inbox?
Zero you assholes.
14 - What do you have as your background?
Seattle<3
15-2ND PERSON UNDER R...
Rosanne
16 - Who do you have on speed dial 3?
JJ
17 - If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
screw that.
18 - Who's the first person who comes up under C?
Cammie
19 - How many bars of signal do you currently have?
2
20 - What do you have as your main ringtone?
Salt n Pepa- PUSH IT! |
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| Phone surveys are fun. |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|02:23 pm] |
1 - What make of phone do you have?
Motorola something or another.
2 - What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
538
3 - What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
i deleted them the other day. But the message thats in there says K its a deal.:)
4 - Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Mathew S
5 - Who's the last person you rang?
Voicemail. hahaha. but peoplewise it was my sister.
6 - Who was your last missed call from?
Jakobs daddy.
7 - Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Dana
8 - What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
K its a deal :)
9 - Who's the 3rd person who comes up under P?
theres only one P and its Pam
10 - Go to your Sent Items - WHAT DOES THE 3RD ITEM SAY ?
theres only one. it says im not a businessman, im a business, man
11 - Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Sean
12 - Who's your network provider?
Verizon
13 - How many messages are currently in your inbox?
1.
14 - What do you have as your background?
Hannah flipping a gangster W for Washington
15-2ND PERSON UNDER R...
theres only one, and its Roget
16 - Who do you have on speed dial 3?
UH. i dunno. We dont use speed dial really.
17 - If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
n/a
18 - Who's the first person who comes up under C?
Car
19 - How many bars of signal do you currently have?
3
20 - What do you have as your main ringtone?
TBS- MakeDamnSure |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2006|12:10 am] |
one of my managers was fucked up tonight.
beyond belief.
on drugs.
He called someone a pudge facker. |
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| You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|03:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alanis morisette- not the doctor | ] |
I dont want to be the filler if the void is soley yours
I dont want to be your glass of single malt whiskey hidden in the bottom drawer
I dont want to be your bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air.
I dont want ot be adored for what I merely represent to you
I dont want to be your babysitter, youre a very big boy now
I dont want to be your mother, I didnt carry you in my womb for 9 months
Show me the back door.
I'm Updating this for my meg. Because I love her.
Lately, Theres been a lot on my mind. Im slightly scared that Jakob just doesnt respect me like I want to be respected. And anyone who has heard everything thats gone on with me and Jake is going to want to SMACK me for saying that, Because to them, Its so blatantly obvious it makes them sick. I know. Trust me, I know. Dont ask me why Im here for, because theres obviously something, Im not a stupid girl.
Ive been thinking about how Jake got in a fight on New Years, and trying to piece together why exactly I dont want to be around Shawn after that, and I avoided thinking about it when it happened, so when Jake asked, I couldnt seriously tell him why exactly I didnt like it, because I knew it made me uncomfortable, but somewhere in me, I was blocking out what I needed to say. So heres the deal.
Jake is supposed to love me, and when you love someone, you KNOW them. And he DOES know me... And thats why It hurts so much that He would go ahead and fight on new years. I have this past with my dad... This past where I was scared of him when I was little. A violent one. So, Obviously, I dont like violence. So when they were fighting, My biggest problem was that I was terrified. I remember exactly what I was like while they were fighting, and I remember how long it took me to calm down, But I didnt want to admit to myself that I was terrified. And He knows about all of that. One night, he was mad at me, and was yelling at me while we were lying in our small bed, and I was scared he was going to hit me... And its not that he would hit me at all, I know he would NEVER hit me, But somewhere in me, I was scared because of how things were with my dad... and I started crying. A lot. So he KNOWS it still bothers me.
Therefore... I dont want to be around shawn. Hes a violent, overwhelming person sometimes.... And frankly, I figured out why I dont want to be around him: I get uneasy and scared. I dont think I should have to be around someone that scares me. I need time to not be scared to be around him. I dont even know if I could do it if shawns personality never changes. I need to tell Jake so he understands, but I dont want to make him upset.
I wish I didnt feel like I was the one who was messed up.
I wish Jake would get home. He has to work tonight at 5 and I am not sure he knows. Because theres been a lack of communication and a complete lack of brains and respect on Jakes part. He had to go to his parents yesterday to look for a car because ours died on us (RIP aries.), and He took the phone. Stupid selfish move number one. He never takes the phone, and obviously didnt think about how the hell i was going to get ahold of him, because thats our only phone. Anyway, He called me at work and told me about how he might be staying over at his parents, but he didnt know yet... and all this good stuff... And then he said he was going to get online to tell me if he was staying, and talk to me about everything... because I obviously didnt have the phone. Well, He DID get online, but all he said to me was "Hey, Can you send me the death metal version of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme song?" and then I sent him the link, and he put up an away message. Which is frustrating. And he was on his brothers name, So I left a message that said "I just need to know if Jake is coming home tonight, and if not, when hes going to be home tomorrow" and Sam comes online and says "No hes not coming home, and I dont know... He promised He would get online to tell you everything". So..... 3 AM rolls around, and Jake isnt online. I wake up today, And still dont know where Jake is, What hes doing, If he knows he has to be at work... Basically Im on my own. Good thing I dont have to work today, Because if I did I would have had to work out getting a ride, and... SURPRISE, I dont have a phone to ask anyone for a ride! Now, if he doesnt know he has to work, It will most likely be put down as a no call/no show, and he will most likely get written up... and Then might be fired. Way to go, Jake. Way to only care about yourself and having fun.
Sometimes, I think he cares about himself more than me. A lot more than me. And EVERYTIME alcohol is involved, I am almost one hundred percent positive that he cares about getting totally fucked up and HAVING alcohol to get fucked up with more than he cares about A) How I feel about it. B) How Im going to get home from wherever we are. C) Me in general. D)Money.
Whick brings me to another point... I dont feel like Im in control of my money at all. AT ALL. I feel like Im a little kid and Jake is the parent who gets to say what we do with our money, where it goes... If i get any... And he does stuff with OUR FUCKING MONEY, and doesnt tell me about it, And it pisses me off. He doesnt ever tell me about anything hes planning to do with money. I have to stop talking about it now because Im getting very angry.
Anyway.
Hannah is visiting me. Im so excited. I miss Hannah, and I miss Indiana... and Shes going to be my piece of Indiana. Shes going to save me. For a week. Oh man. I love Hannah. Shes a great kid, and a better friend.
Its getting closer to 5, and Im getting more and more nervous.
Im going to go check the mail and all that. My pants are clean. w00t.
over and out. |
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| New kids on the block RAWK |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Salt & Pepa- PUSH IT! | ] |
Ladies and Gentlemen. Its a Livejournal post. *applause*
Let me tell you about my life:
1. I think when the lease is up, we will be moving in with Rob and Monica. The best part is, We're not going to move into a crappy mc crapperson apartment, It will be a house. A house with 4 rooms. So we will have extra rooms. And a kitchen built for a house, not for 2 people to try to squeeze into. Why am I so excited? Because I like kitchens and cooking. and I like Rob and Monica. And I like houses. Houses are good. Heres the crappy part, to move into a house, we will have to tell shawn that we are not moving in with him. I do not like this... because Shawn gets really mad really easy. You know, When I think of it, It is downright bullshit... maybe I shouldnt consider shawn a friend. When youre friends with someone, you should be thinking about not making them mad because you care about them and dont want to hurt them, not because youre scared they will get violent with you. I had to deal with that for too long, I shouldnt have to deal with that from friends. We will also be far away from Jakes parents and I would love to live close to them. Because I love them, and they love me. we're a big happy family.
Conclusion: Rob&Monizzle + Jake&Hannah = A damn good idea.
2. We got another cat! It was a stray at Lowes. Shes so cute! We took her to see if she was okay at the vet, and shes all good so she can be with Goulet. Speaking of Goulet, I love that cat so much. He is my little baby. My favorite little baby. ooooh. I love him. He got hurt a little while ago, buthe is better now. Much better. He had an absess in his foot. How do you spell that word... Hells Bells, I dont care. But he got amoxicillin and now it is all better. He was so sad when he was sick... I cried like a baby.
Conclusion: Cats = Good.
3. I keep getting a bunch of magazines in the mail, and I dont freaking know why. But its pretty awesome. I get these shitty Celebrity magazines... Weekly. And some Mature woman magazine... Elle I think. and omg.. im so excited to tell you this... BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS. HECK YES. PS they rock. Plus i get ESPN. what the fuck is that... i dont like sports (except: Seahawks got screwed out of the superbowl. Fucking refs), and some stupid gaming magazine. Ugh. just Ugh. With a side of Ugh. I really with I could get Martha Stewart Living, because I am aparently a 35 year old woman.
Did you know Halle Berry is 39, and Madonna is 47? Holy shit those girls are HOT.
Conclusion: Magazines + Hannah= Better looking house&More creative Ideas.
4. What do you do for a guy for Valentines day? Fuck that, dude. ugh. I might make him a card. I dont know. Thats lame.
Conclusion: Boys + Valentines day= Confused Hannah times 2
5. Jake is getting a new job. that pays good money. Well, At least, I hope he gets the job. He should, but i still have my fingers crossed. We will be rich when he gets the new job. Rich like woah.
Conclusion: Hannah + Money= =))))))))))))))))))))))))
psimnotagolddigger.
6. I dont know. I just wanted my life to be more exciting. Let me think really hard...
I love my sister. Shes the most important person to me. Ever.
I miss her. and Love her....
that is all.
Im outie 5000
Take it Sleazy. |
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| Gonna fuck up your ego... Silly boy, Gonna make you cry. |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Life is Good. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shiny New Guns- Le Disko | ] |
I have a headache for some dang reason.
thats right. I said it. Dang. Now I have to wash my mouth out with soap.
So. Whats new, World.
I got my engagement ring. Its beautiful and shiny and it looks real big. But I honestly dont think its as big as it looks, if that makes any sense. It makes me so happy. Jakob has this dorky habit of taking my hand and kissing my ring. It makes me feel like Im in the mafia. Seriously. Its just weird.
I have to confide in you guys, I am a master cook. I make this badass teriyaki chicken stuff with fried rice... Its Boss. Im going to bring that word back. thats BOSS man. Anyway. Tonight Im going to make some ROCKIN' orange chicken. We like chinese food, apparently.
I have the best cat in the world. He is adorable, and SO good with vets. We took him to get his shots the other day, and he was the best cat in the world. And he loves me so much, I can tell. Hes my numba 2 boy. Jakob being #1. Because he's always #1. My cat DOES do some crazy things to our computer while we're gone. He renamed the recycle bin a bunch of times, and today I came home and he DELETED the recycle bin. Hes CRAZY. But cute as hell...!
I miss my family a lot sometimes. Its been hitting me a lot lately because a lot of things remind me of my mom and dad. I love them a lot. They were never perfect but they loved me.
Im being warped into a 35 year old woman. The other day we went to Walmart to buy candles to put in our bathroom and kitchen and room. We got these really swanky candle holders too. I feel so domestic, its rediculous. Im thinking about jobs and everything, and I think I'm going to try to get certified on all of the things I can get certified on in Lowe's and then I might work for Boeing. They pay for your school, and It doesnt have to be anything thats related to boeing... And plus its better money. And then Jakob might get a job as a carpenters apprentice, and that makes lots of money too. and we both have connections with those things, so it really wouldnt be that tough to get the jobs.
Growing up sucks sometimes.
Washington is fun.
I like it here.
Indiana, You suck. Give me all my friends, you silly bastard.
That is all. |
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| Enjoy your spaghetti, Youre very rude. |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|11:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Panic! at the disco- But its Better if you do | ] |
I have a lot to get off my chest. Well, I know as soon as I start writing, Itll turn into not that much to get off my chest. PSH. I suck at livejournal. ANYWHOHA.
Sometimes, I get the impression that I dont really fit in here, and that Jake would be a lot better off if he had a girl that fit in. Or maybe I just dont feel like I fit in because Jake doesnt help me feel like I fit in. I dont know why it makes me so sad when I can sit on a couch with my boyfriend through 2 movies and not touch him once, But it does. And I dont know WHY. Was it because he was around his friends? He said he just wasnt thinking about it... and that kind of makes me sad... That he can not think about it enough to ignore me for a good 5 hours. Maybe Im being an over-emotional girl... But you other girls out there cant lie to me and say it wouldnt make you sad too.
I like shawns girlfriend though, Shes a sweetheart. And i can tell she really likes me too. I would like to call her sometime and just talk about things... but im scared it would be too awkward... because I suck at conversations. Oh well. I really like her though... shes polite, and nice, and.. I dont know. Not the kind of girl that im used to hanging out with at Shawns house. Which sounds mean.. but Im being 100% serious.
I dont like that I have limited independence. And its not like im not trying... Or maybe im not trying enough... But Jake makes decisions all the time that concern both of us, whether it be both of our money, or what we're going to do when the lease gets up, or just stupid small dumb shit... But he makes these decisions, and doesnt tell me about them... And the only reason i ever hear of them is when hes talkign about it with Shawn or someone else, or when we only have 2 fucking dollars in the bank account and hes like "Oh yeah, I payed the comcast bill". If he had conciously made that decision with me, I could have told him not to do that, because i knew EXACTLY how much money we had in there, and he just payed it on a whim. And what if I dont want to do the things he plans on doing. I dont even KNOW what I want to do... because I dont want to hurt shawns feelings, but Im not sure I really want to live with him. Its not HIM that i dont want to live with, Its whether or not I want to live with JUST JAKE more than with anyone else. And on that line, its whether we have enough money to just live me and Jake. And Jake has never come to me to talk about this... I figured he didnt want to decide, because thats what hes told me when i said ONE thing about it to him.. he wanted to figure it out when the lease got closer to being up... But then hes making all these decisions without me? Thats bullshit. It makes me want to be like FINE you do that, ill do my own thing. and that would break my heart. I Know i need to talk to him about it, but im trying to give myself time to calm down before I talk or else ill be really pissy. And I dont know what to do anyway.
Furthermore, Jake doesnt seem to care much about work and going to work and making money at work, and it always seems like its up to me to give a shit about work and make money so we can pay rent and all that. Its annoying as hell to me, and its been pissing me off a lot... because hes allowed to not give 2 shits about work, and is allowed to spend all the money on bills and the extra on shit HE wants. No, If its MY money thats getting spent on things, then im fucking going to get things that I want. If we seperated our money all the time, he would be asking me for money every month. And that thought pisses me off... because its not fair. And the other day, I talked to my dad and he really wants me there for Christmas, Just like I want to be there for christmas... or a few days after... And he said he would pay for my ticket... And I told jake that idea, and he semi-flipped out. He was like "What about work".. I wanted to punch him right then. What about work? YOURE allowed to not give a shit, and one time when I want to not go to work... NOT BECAUSE IM SELFISH AND DONT WANT TO WORK FOR THE HELL OF IT, You get all pissypants with me? Bullshit. |
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| forever and ever, till death do us part |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | panic! at the disco... | ] |
I got a kitten named Goulet. Hes adorable, and is my little baby. Hes so well behaved too... minus him scratching up Jakob in the middle of the night and making him mr pissypants.
I also am now engaged to Jake. We went out and looked at rings together.... and have one on this layaway system which is kind of neat but also means i dont get my ring until its all payed off.it kind of sucks, but im excited. I want to show everyone when i get it. hehe.
anyway thats all thats new. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|01:14 am] |
i miss my sister.
i want the perfect boyfriend.
i wish i was rich.
i didnt mean to but it came out as a haiku. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2005|07:29 pm] |
My sister is going to be here in two days. Im excited. I dont know if i can take the wait. Im so excited. We can have girl time.. and... um. talk about boys being stupid.
because they are.
Oh poop. Shes bringing her boyfriend. We'll just have to talk about it with him.....
PS i hate boys sometimes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|12:21 pm] |
So, I realized its a sort of selfish thing to be saying I have no friends here.
I dont really have that many friends, but it doesnt matter... the one or two I have are some of the best people ive ever met.
I was talking to shawn last night, and he was telling me how much he cared for me and Jake. And not because we were ME AND JAKE... because he cared for each of us. He said that even if we broke up and I moved back to indiana, He would follow me and hang out with me still... and still call me. And... Oh I dont know. He just said a lot of things that meant so much to me. When i was leaving, I gave him a hug and told him thanks for talking to me and he Said no problem and then when I pulled away to get ready to leave he was like "I love you" and it just... It was good. Ive never had... that. You know? Ive never had someone sit down with me and tell me those things.
So, Im going to get my head out of my ass and stop being selfish, because its not quantity, Its quality. |
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| "I think she said Feck" Whats the difference?! "The letter U!" |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|12:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Motion City Soundtrack- Hangman | ] |
Im so tired. And I dont know why. Work stresses me out. And the head cashier.. (above me, but around my age) is a total BITCH when she gets stressed i want to punch her. No joke.
And... I ate like 3 pieces of small square pizza today, and i was full. What the shit is that. Ew. My tummy feels icky.
And Im confused. It has a lot to do with stuff Jakes mom told me the other day. and it just has me really confused about what to do/what to say/what my relationship is right now. Because... I just dont know. It seems good. But... Im just really confused.
She says that jake is Emotionally Abusing me by leaving me alone all the time when he goes to hang out with friends and not inviting me, and by doing it a lot. And she said that it would be wrong of him to drive 5 hours and stay the night at his friend Jens house(he was planning on it.)... Her and Jakes dad... they were both very adamant about it... and said it was morally wrong. And they didnt care if they were just friends or what they were doing, It was morally wrong of him to go and leave me... and choose to spend his time with other girls. I do not know. Im just really confused about it.
I dont think its as bad as they think, but at the same time I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA if its even a little like they think it is.
Is it emotional abuse? I dont know. I mean, I know it hurts my feelings sometimes because I dont like being left alone, but I also know that I am a very emotional girl.... And that it could just be ME being really dependant. Because i KNOW i am VERY dependant.
I hate being confused like this.
=( |
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